


Only A Crush

by cazmalfoy



Category: Original Work
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-04 00:54:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6634468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cazmalfoy/pseuds/cazmalfoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This isn’t love. It’s pure infatuation; a little schoolgirl crush. Nothing more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only A Crush

I always thought that the phrase  _so close yet so far away_  was just an outmoded cliché that people cling to when they need an excuse for their reckless behaviour around the one they like.   
  
I never thought, not once in a thousand years, that someday that phrase would mean so much to me.   
  
I won’t call my feelings towards you love. There are some days when I’m not even sure love exists. I know that I’ve never truly been in love. The closest I’ve got to the real thing is infatuation.   
  
You see, the thing is, how can some one describe what they’re feeling without categorising it. There are some many different categories that a persons feelings can fall under: - Love, Lust, Infatuation, Friends-with-benefits. But I think what it all comes down to in the end is a bunch of feelings that are so new and alien that people don’t know what they mean so they call it love.   
  
The word  _Love_  is used so often that I think it has very little meaning anymore. There was a time when people only said the L word when they truly meant it. But in this day and age people throw that word around everyday. And most of the time all they really mean is that they like something more than just a little.   
  
I’ve said love without meaning it in the past – not very nice, I know, but even though I thought it would bother me to hurt someone, it doesn’t. I’ve been hurt in the past and know that when someone says something it can wound your pride. But that’s all it does hurt – your pride. It may feel like your heart’s breaking but the reality is that your feelings don’t really come from your heart, they come from your head. And who ever heard of a broken  _head_? It strengthens your character and teaches you valuable lessons about life that you can use at other times.   
  
But, I digress, let me return back to my original topic. Everyday I see you and you always look so perfect. Even when you say you’re looking horrible – to me you look fabulous. There is no way that I could possibly let you know without revealing my real feelings to you. This  _thing_  that I’m feeling, whatever  _it_  is, is like a little nagging ache that lingers in the pit of my stomach. It’s always there when I’m around you and always there when I think about you – it never leaves me alone.   
  
Some stories make feelings these seem brilliant and fantastic. What I feel every time I think of you is far from brilliant or fantastic. On some days the feeling to just reach out and touch you is so overwhelming that I try to busy myself with as many things as possible, purely so I can take my mind off of you. Sometimes the feeling is so strong I can’t take it and it gets out of control and I just have to stop whatever I’m doing to look at you.   
  
There are times when I’m sure you can feel me looking. Surely you must be able to feel some body’s eyes on the back of you head when your back is turned. It’s not that I don’t try to control myself whenever you’re around. The fact of the matter is that I can’t. It’s not through lack of trying, believe me, I have tried more than anything to get you out of my mind. It’s impossible.   
  
I spoke to you yesterday, not just a quick chat in the coffee room type talk, but an actual  _real_  conversation. I felt amazing standing next to you and speaking to you as if we had  _something_  between us.   
  
If you saw a shooting star would you wish for something? I have never really thought about it before but I suppose if I did see one I would wish for just  _one_  day with you. Not just as colleagues, but as friends; confidants; lovers.   
  
As much as it pains me to say it, it’s probably never going to happen. Body language is usually the key factor in interpreting some one’s feelings. And judging by your body language towards me – you’re not interested and never will be.   
  
But I think for now I’ll be content with just sitting here thinking about you and smiling to myself. After all – what I feel for you isn’t love. It’s pure infatuation; a little schoolgirl crush; lust.


End file.
